I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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