Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize