Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We need a shit load of segways right now
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
