How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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