yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
