I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
