You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
