Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
