Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
