Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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