every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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