I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
