May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
