i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He did a backflip because drugs
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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