Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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