It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
