he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
