Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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