just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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