I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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