Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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