Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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