he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
