dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
