R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize