when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize