Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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