just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize