yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
