oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
