He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you guys were way drunker than both of me
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
