Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
last night I used snow as a chaser
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize