just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dignity is for republicans.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
