Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
