We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
