The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
