I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize