i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
