Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
