I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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