you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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