There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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