Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
