I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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