you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
