I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
