Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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