hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize