This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
