No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
