Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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