I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
