I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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