thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
