it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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