i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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