I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
3pm strippers are depressing
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
