3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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