I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The adults are the big ones right?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
