new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
