New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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