It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize