Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
