my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wish i was in the wii world.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize