"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize