There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
