I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
