I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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