dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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