hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so let's talk penis.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
