So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
