If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
