I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I look better un-naked...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
