Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I wish they made helmets for livers.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
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