pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
