She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
