You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
