My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
