Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
