Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
