Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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