Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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