I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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