Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
