you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
