I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
